This will be my very first parenting post.
I like my blog entries to be helpful and informative. And I haven't written about parenting yet because:
a.) I'm making it up as I go
b.) I'm not sure I'm actually very good at this
and
c.) I'm not sure I want my parenting skills to be judged by strangers when I already judge myself enough
....But in the realm of hopefully starting a dialog about parenting that is realistic--maybe this will be helpful somehow or at least make you laugh. When I first became a parent I was admittedly exasperated by most of the moms I followed on social media because (even as someone who has acted out a large portion of her life on Instagram) I quickly found myself feeling decidedly inadequate as a "mommy blogger." When Rio was just starting to transition to solid foods (not well, I might add) I remember watching a YouTube video of a mom making meals--or should I say, culinary masterpieces--for her toddler and thinking, is that what I'm supposed to be doing here? Because I don't see this happening.
Social media tends to make parenting look like some kind of Disney movie most of the time and I'm just here to tell you that it's literally the most difficult thing I've done in my whole life. The fact that people might see my own Instagram photos with Rio and think that I'm one of those cute wifey-moms with her hair in a purposeful messy bun, cooking dinner in a pair of floral overalls while balancing a baby on her hip is somewhat concerning to me. Whether you're a parent, a parent-to-be, hoping to become a parent-to-be, or just an amused reader who's not planning on having children ever (or especially after reading this disclaimer), buckle up. Because here's what mealtime in my house actually looks like.
For starters, I really don't cook dinner. And when I do, I hate it. With a passion. Cooking makes me want to pull my hair out. I hate trying to come up with new things to cook. I hate the dirty dishes it makes, I hate how the laundry that I left half folded in the living room smells like fried food when I'm done and I even hate sitting down to eat the food because by then I've looked at it so long and taste tested so much that I'm over it before it hits the plate. Once, my husband (God sent me a man who loves cooking so that I wouldn't die young from a diet of frosted flakes before my time) ordered one of those Hello Fresh type kits that literally come with all of the ingredients included and I practically had a panic attack trying to make the provided meal. Too many steps. Too many individual packages to open. Also, I still had to touch raw meat. When Hello Fresh comes with a personal chef included in the packaging, please sign me up.
Anyway, this was all prior to having a toddler.
When you become a parent, making meals is something very, very hard to avoid. In particular, when you're also the only adult in the house all day, VERY unavoidable. As someone who has never subscribed to the idea of breakfast, lunch and dinner (more like coffee, snack, snack, pizza delivery) it was a rough transition for me to start thinking about things like a "balanced breakfast." In conjunction with this, Rio does not like new things on his plate. At around 10 months old he was eating everything and now almost a year later, I'm lucky if I can sneak a flake of chicken into his cheese quesadilla without him noticing. Even if it's a food he used to like but just hasn't seen in a while--it's a no go. The toddler brain is a complex and suspicious thing.
Rio will eat spaghetti noodles (including ramen and linguini respectively) and elbow noodles, but won't touch rigatoni or bowties. They are clearly of the devil. The jury is still out on Kraft mac 'n' cheese, as this incorporates elbow noodles (acceptable) but are colored orange instead of yellow and not covered with parmesan cheese (not acceptable).
Rio loves French fries but potatoes in any other form are unacceptable and therefore of the devil. I once put a spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth (BECUASE WHO DOESN'T LIKE MASHED POTATOES) which resulted in him dry heaving and trying to physically claw the potato off his tongue.
Can I tell you how frustrating this is when you don't like preparing food in the first place? Don't get me started on how he throws food he's not interested in on the floor. Who taught him this? My husband and I sure don't toss food we don't like on the floor.
According to Google and all the paperwork that Rio comes home with after a checkup, I'm also supposed to be encouraging him to start using silverware. Though I have no intention of letting my son grow up like a caveman who's never seen a spoon, I'm critical of this plan.
To be fair, while Rio has had limited success spooning out things like yogurt and applesauce. However, my obsessive need for cleanliness keeps winning this battle. Just as many times as the spoonful of yogurt makes it to Rio's mouth, it also makes it to his chin, his hair and his lap. Bibs can only protect so much and Rio's bath time is another activity I no longer enjoy thanks to the constant splashing that takes place.
Rio also loves to throw things and the way I've seen him wield a yogurt coated spoon like it's a javelin is more than my fragile heart or our carpet can take. Can't I just wait until we can have a real conversation about this? Like - "oh, BTW, silverware is for eating your food. Like transferring the stuff on your plate to your mouth. Also, spoons are not catapults."
So, what does Rio eat? Pretty much the same thing every darn day.
Breakfast:
Fruit (strawberries, raspberries, blueberries or blackberries. Apples, grapes and oranges are acceptable but not preferred. Melons and bananas are not acceptable and obviously of the devil)
A form of bread (toast, cinnamon toast) or cake disguised as breakfast food (waffles or pancakes)
Cheese (Colby-Jack preferred)
Lunch:
Buttered noodles with parmesan cheese (accepted pastas mentioned above)
or
Grilled Cheese (1/3 normally ends up on the floor)
or
Cheese Quesadilla (2/3 normally ends up on the floor)
or
PB&J (3/3 normally ends up on the floor)
or
Crackers & Peanut butter with black olives (olives mostly end up on Rio's fingers)
Dinner:
Whatever the family eats, which generally means Rio won't eat any of it.
....I hope this phase doesn't last forever.
Your Currently Coffee Deprived Mom,
-Amber
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